Adamantium Bullet


For the next 31 days, we here at Adamantium Bullet will be reviewing one horror film a day leading up to Halloween. Each film will be horrific, terrifying, chilling, pulse-pounding, or flat-out awful. All will be endured in honor of the season. Expect SPOILERS. Welcome to Adamantium Bullet’s “All 80s” edition of 31 DAYS OF HORROR.

In this episode, J Bryant and AngieBee discuss the goofy 1988 gorefest SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA starring Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer, and Brinke Stevens.

In a bowling alley from hell ...there's only one way to score! There are no freshmen in the college of love, and they're about to graduate to madcap mayhem when a sorority prank goes crazy. Out to steal a trophy from a local bowling alley, the kids accidentally unleash the imp -- a sadistic little spirit with a diabolical sense of humor. He creates demons and loves sexy women. He's the original party animal, inviting you to come along and die laughing -- just like everybody else. The Sorority Babes won't live through initiation, but don't blame that cute little killer. He's evil by nature and funny as hell. And even if you can take a joke, it kills you.

Eight. Four guys and five gals. The kills ranged from “Hey, that was a pretty good for the budget!” to “What the hell happened there?” in terms of special effects. Some of the kills made sense within the confines of the plot, others were gleefully random. Definitely a mixed bag BODY COUNT overall.

Jimmie (Hal Hayins) was decapitated and his head was used as a bowling ball. In a film titled SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA, a kill like this was bound to happen, and it was bound to be the MOST MEMORABLE KILL.

Both Lisa (Michelle Bauer) and Taffy (Brinke Stevens) were fully nude for extended amounts of time at different points, and Keith (John Stuart Wildman) went shirtless for a bit. The BODY COUNT might have been all over the place quality-wise, but the NAKEDNESS was exactly what you should want from a film with that title.

We were tempted to swap this category from SIGNATURE MOMENT to SIGNATURE CHARACTER and award it to the jive talking imp (voiced by Michael Sonye) slaughtering the sorority babes and nerdy frat boys, but that would be cheating. The SIGNATURE MOMENT needs to be a MOMENT and not an entire character. So with that being said, the winner of this category is the outrageously long sex scene between Lisa and Keith. We didn’t keep exact count of how long that scene went on, but it was definitely at least twenty minutes of this picture’s brief eighty minute runtime. As far as we can tell, that sex scene might be the only reason legendary 'Scream Queen' Michelle Bauer was even hired. Oh sure, there’s some topless action early on and a brief bout of spanking, but the sex scene was the bulk of her “character arc” and screentime. Mostly just her writhing around in various stages of undress, moaning and talking dirty. That’s an appropriate SIGNATURE MOMENT for a film with that title.

Early on, the nerdy frat boys sneak over to the Tri-Delta sorority house and engage in some standard issue mid-80s “college comedy” shenanigans. Translation: They peep on the sorority babes during a hazing initiation that involves almost nude spanking and whipped cream. Definitely not okay behavior now or even back then, but this was an R-rated cheapie b-movie made back before the internet and smart phones put all manner of nudity and debauchery at everyone’s fingertips, so there was a NAKEDNESS quota that had to be filled and this was one of the scenes that helped fill it. I feel like I typed “fill” too much in that sentence. Anyways, the nerdy frat boys find the perfect vantage point for peeping almost immediately, but soon decide that it isn’t the perfect peeping point and that the actual perfect peeping point is INSIDE the sorority house. That’s right, these bozos upgrade their minor offense of peeping to a major case of breaking and entering and are caught doing so almost immediately by the babes.

SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA ends with the imp defeated and left in a ‘Prince Albert’ tobacco tin on the curb. On the curb! That little goofball straight-up causes the death of eight characters and the two survivors opted to leave him on the curb. All for a sight gag that barely registered back in 1988, much less nowadays. I mean, seriously, when was the last time anyone told the ‘Prince Albert’ joke? Was it anytime in the last decade? Two decades? Three? It is such a weird gag to end the film on. Burying the tin would’ve made sense. Spider (Linnea Quigley) and Calvin (Andras Jones) could’ve grabbed a shovel out of that closet where they found the gun (the runner-up for the “WTF?!?” MOMENT) and could’ve just taken a couple minutes to bury the little bastard. How hard would that have been? Oh well, the bit was probably a sequel tag on top of being a dated joke and …that doesn’t make it any better! They should’ve buried him! This is an IDIOT MOMENT trapped inside a ‘Prince Albert’ tin of a “WTF?!?” MOMENT!

> Director David DeCoteau wanted to work with Linnea Quigley so much that he handed her the script and told her she could play any character she wanted. She eventually decided on Spider.

> Shot in twelve days.

> The budget was too low to rent the bowling alley during peak daytime hours, so the cast and crew had to wait till the bowling alley closed at 9pm, then shot all night till 9am.

> The janitor tells a story about a man named Dave McCabe. This was director David DeCoteau's alternate name when he directed adult films.

> The trophy, although appearing to be metallic, is actually made of balsa wood.

> The USELESS KNOWLEDGE portion of this review was sourced from IMDB.

Posted by J. Bryant

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