I Feel The Need For…A 3D Theatrical Re-Release Of TOP GUN?!?
THR is reporting that TOP GUN, a movie that is simultaneously underrated and overrated, is going to be re-released to theaters next year in glorious post-conversion 3D. Wait…what?!? TOP GUN, a movie that is widely (and cheaply) available on DVD and Blu-Ray (not to mention aired at least once every single day thanks to cable), is going to be dumped back into theaters? In shitty post-op 3D, no less? Who asked for this?!?
Click on the pic to read the full story…
MGM Wants Chris Pine To Headline Jose Padilha’s ROBOCOP Reboot
Twitch is reporting that Chris Pine (STAR TREK) is MGM’s top choice to headline their 3D reboot of ROBOCOP. No word yet on whether or not director Jose Padilha agrees with the choice or not. If he has any sense, he’ll veto this and find someone more suited for the role.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Pine as an actor. He’s the kind of actor that can deftly maneuver between high profile star gigs (STAR TREK, UNSTOPPABLE), genre pics (CARRIERS, QUANTUM QUEST), rom-coms (JUST MY LUCK, PRINCESS DIARIES 2) and still manage to deliver the occasional batshit crazy performance (SMOKIN’ ACES). Takes a solid actor to whip around through the cinematic landscape while still keeping his box office bankability.
The big problem with Pine is…how do I put this lightly?…he’s a pretty boy. He’s too f**king pretty, if you ask me. And he’s certainly too pretty to play ROBOCOP. This is a role (if the remake is going to be a true remake) that will only show Pine as Pine for about twenty minutes. If it follows properly, Pine will be shot to pieces by somebody who won’t be as f*cking scary as Eric’s dad from THAT 70’s SHOW and then he’ll become a walking tank for the remainder of the film. A walking tank that’s only human looking part is an visable mouth. Everything else is metal till he removes the mask and then he’ll be a bald cyborg. I can’t imagine that Pine’s agent will ever let his pretty face get into that situation. Hell, I’m still shocked that Peter Weller (Buckaroo Banzai!!) allowed his agent to get him into that situation.
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Alexandra Daddario To Battle Leatherface In 3D!
Alexandra Daddario is in final talks to play the lead in Liongate’s 3D reboot of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Here’s the scoop from Showblitz:
Leatherface has found his latest target, as “Percy Jackson & the Olympians” star Alexandra Daddario is in final negotiations to play the female lead in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D,” Variety’s Jeff Sneider exclusively reports. John Luessenhop (“Takers”) is directing the pic that picks up after Tobe Hooper’s original 1974 horror classic. Producers are hoping the film will launch a new fright franchise featuring the iconic, chainsaw-loving villain Leatherface and his oddball family. “Chainsaw Massacre 3D” is set for an October 2012 release. Daddario is expected to reprise the role of Annabeth Chase in “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: Sea of Monsters.”
I think Daddario is a fine actress (though her Meg Foster eyes freak me out a bit) and all, but I’m still not crazy about another Leatherface reboot. Don’t think I ever will be. This is one horror franchise that I wish would stop. Not die, not flop miserably, not sink a studio, but stop. Just stop.
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Posterized: THE THREE MUSKETEERS 3D
A one-sheet for Paul W.S. Anderson’s upcoming 3D crazy-ass reboot of THE THREE MUSKETEERS (Damn thing has Final Fantasy-style airships in it. AIRSHIPS!) has popped up online and…hey, I didn’t know Jennifer Aniston was doing action pics now! Is she playing D’Artagnan? I’m no Faniston and she is a little old for this, but maybe a gender swap is just the thing to make yet another remake of the Musketeer story wor…wait a sec. What do mean that’s not Aniston? That’s who? Logan Lerman? The kid from PERCY JACKSON?!? Oh, um, okay.
Click on the pic to check out all the awkwardness…
Posterized: By Crom! Lionsgate Releases Five New CONAN THE BARBARIAN Character Posters
Ready for five new CONAN THE BARBARIAN character posters? Hope so, because I’m throwing them at you regardless of readiness. Lionsgate dumped these bad boys all around the net a couple of days back and you can check out the sites each one originated at by simply checking out the bumper at the bottom of each poster. Should be pretty easy to see that these one-sheets rock and that if these are (along with the supremely badass trailer that hit recently) any indicator to the quality of CONAN THE BARBARIAN then I think it’s safe to assume that the film will too.
Funny enough, the only real gripe that I still had after seeing the trailer was that Jason Momoa might be a merely okay Conan, but that worry was quelled by a little thing called GAME OF THRONES. Momoa is ten tons of amazing on that show and I no longer have any worries about his performance.
Click on the pic to check out the full story…
Film Bites: BAIT 3D
Ready to have your mind blown? The trailer for BAIT 3D, the upcoming “sharks in a supermarket” pic from director Russell Mulcahy (HIGHLANDER) starring Julian McMahon (NIP/TUCK), features somebody fashioning an anti-shark suit out of a bunch of shopping carts! Genius!
Okay, maybe not genius, but that’s the best thing I could find in this otherwise boring trailer. If SHARK NIGHT 3D is the high water mark for 3D shark pics this year, then BAIT is definitely the low water one. Considering how dull and lifeless BAIT looks (points docked for gratuitous use of the INCEPTION score), I wouldn’t be shocked if this ends up going to direct-to-video. Just saying. Love McMahon and I think the guy has charm galore, but this is not where he should be at in his career.
Click on the pic to check out the trailer for BAIT 3D…
Film Bites: SHARK NIGHT 3D
Beaches, babes and blood? Must be trailer for PIRANHA 3D…er, wait a sec, I mean SHARK NIGHT 3D. I’m actually a little shocked that this movie somehow found financing since PIRANHA 3D treaded the same waters last year and sunk. But I guess this is a genre that 3D needs to mine heavily and SHARK NIGHT looks to tap it pretty hard.
In all fairness, this flick (from director David R. Ellis who us SNAKES ON A PLANE and…ick…THE FINAL DESTINATION) feels more like HOSTEL than yet another “nature run wild” flick. Not sure why somebody would want to release sharks into a lake to snack on nubile teens and I’m not sure why this flick is seemingly reinforcing the cliché that the black guy has to die first in a horror movie, but what I do know that you never, NEVER want to go on any kind of trip with Joel David Moore. Between this and HATCHET, bringing this guy on a weekend trip with you is like signing your own death sentence.
Click on the pic to check out the trailer for SHARK NIGHT 3D…
PRIEST
Let me begin this with a bit of harsh truth: I fully expected PRIEST to suck. No lies. The last film from the director/star duo of Scott Stewart and Paul Bettany was the thoroughly disappointing 2010 pic LEGION and PRIEST was their return to the sci-religious genre (Is that a genre? If not, it is now thanks to these two pics). Couple that with the fact that I’ve never read the Korean comic series on which this is based and the fact that Screen Gems decided to slap a coat of post-conversion 3D paint on this before sending it off to theaters and you’ve got yourself a disaster waiting to happen.
Considering all those immediate demerits, can somebody tell me how PRIEST ended up being so damn good? Yeah, I said it. Good. As in, really good. Probably helps to have an affinity for overblown sci-fi epics (fans of Vin Diesel’s RIDDICK pics should really dig this) when heading in, but I can’t imagine why this wouldn‘t play well with audiences. One might think that the whole “religious” angle might be why critics (19% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) and audiences (flick opened at #4 and is dropping fast) have dismissed this, but these bits (unlike the heavy-handed stuff presented in LEGION) are mostly of the visual variety (very V FOR VENDETTA) and serve only to establish the sense of Jedi-like isolation that the titular Priests must endure.
Personally, I’m a big fan of pics that present a lone hero standing up against a totalitarian future regime bent on controlling the populace with their corrupted word. Especially ones that have Christopher Plummer as the leader that our hero (I’m talking about Bettany, in case you didn’t already know) must stand against. Reminds me of STAR CRASH and I’m always a little bit cheerier when I’m reminded of that glorious slice of cinematic cheese.
Click on the pic to read my full review…
Theatrical Review: PRIEST
Let me begin this with a bit of harsh truth: I fully expected PRIEST to suck. No lies. The last film from the director/star duo of Scott Stewart and Paul Bettany was the thoroughly disappointing 2010 pic LEGION and PRIEST was their return to the sci-religious genre (Is that a genre? If not, it is now thanks to these two pics). Couple that with the fact that I’ve never read the Korean comic series on which this is based and the fact that Screen Gems decided to slap a coat of post-conversion 3D paint on this before sending it off to theaters and you’ve got yourself a disaster waiting to happen.
Considering all those immediate demerits, can somebody tell me how PRIEST ended up being so damn good? Yeah, I said it. Good. As in, really good. Probably helps to have an affinity for overblown sci-fi epics (fans of Vin Diesel’s RIDDICK pics should really dig this) when heading in, but I can’t imagine why this wouldn‘t play well with audiences. One might think that the whole “religious” angle might be why critics (19% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) and audiences (flick opened at #4 and is dropping fast) have dismissed this, but these bits (unlike the heavy-handed stuff presented in LEGION) are mostly of the visual variety (very V FOR VENDETTA) and serve only to establish the sense of Jedi-like isolation that the titular Priests must endure.
Personally, I’m a big fan of pics that present a lone hero standing up against a totalitarian future regime bent on controlling the populace with their corrupted word. Especially ones that have Christopher Plummer as the leader that our hero (I’m talking about Bettany, in case you didn’t already know) must stand against. Reminds me of STAR CRASH and I’m always a little bit cheerier when I’m reminded of that glorious slice of cinematic cheese.
Click on the pic to read my full review…
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR Goes 3D…Again
Remember that reboot of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR that the Weinstein Company announced back in late 2009? Yeah, this isn’t about that. No, this is about the OTHER reboot/remake of everyone’s favorite haunted house. This story is about AMITYVILLE: THE LEGACY 3D which based on the book AMITYVILLE: THE EVIL ESCAPES which was made into an awful, AWFUL 1989 TV movie starring Patty Duke. A movie which has fallen into public domain since then which brings us to Hannibal Classics who are remaking it without having to secure the rights to the actual Amityville story (the rights currently owned by the Weinsteins). Get all that? I hope so because I ain’t repeating any of it.
Long story short, Hannibal Classics is making a cheap AMITYVILLE flick to cash in on the whole 3D craze. They’ve attracted a bunch of no-name talent to bring this vision to the big screen and they’ve even whipped up an official synopsis and mini-teaser poster to sell it at Cannes. Personally, the Amityville thing has been done to death (Did you see the recent remake with Ryan Reynolds? How about the one with the possessed clock? The possessed lamp? The possessed cat? The possessed mirror? The possessed dollhouse of the Amityville house? The previous 3D trip?) and this is franchise that just needs to die.
Click on the pic to read more and check out the official synopsis…
Theatrical Reviews
- STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS
- IRON MAN 3
- SINISTER
- PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4
- TAKEN 2
- PITCH PERFECT
- HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET
- DREDD 3D
- LOOPER
- RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION 3D
- THE EXPENDABLES 2
- TOTAL RECALL
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